Interview with Tim Dillinger

Today, December 8th, 2008 marks the release of Tim Dillinger's first book, Snapshots: a collection of journal entries, epistles, and other prosaic introspections.

I was able to chat with him about the book on Yahoo IM (endorsements, please--no, really), and the majority of the interview appears unamended here. Tim's book can be purchased in download and print versions at http://www.lulu.com/timdillinger. You could also take the scenic route and go to Tim Dillinger's site; there's a link there that will take you to the book purchase site.

Snapshots is, as the title suggests, a collection of short prose stories, some song lyrics, journal entries, and other lexical arrangements that show the spirit of Tim Dillinger. [Bolding and emphasis below is added by the editor.]

RevKris: ok, so my first question will be for those who may drop by the blog who have never heard of Tim Dillinger, the artist, the writer, the anamolic white boy with some crazy soul
RK: so could you fill them in quickly as to how you see yourself, who you are as an artist, as a person, or whatever you'd like to disclose

Tim Dillinger: i think the easiest way to describe myself is to say that i'm a seeker. i despise boxes and have sought throughout my life and my short career thus far to question the boxes that we put on ourselves and try to place over others. for me, that has meant exploring quite a bit of terrain: asking questions regarding religion, race, sexuality, musicality and culture. In the big picture, my seeking has required that i attempt to find, in embracing individuality, our commonalities.

RK: commonalities in what way?

TD: well, that's where the can of worms opens up. in my mind, the greatest commonality that we have is that we come from the same place. we are spirit. we all have the same creator, regardless of the name that we give him/her. to me, if we can embrace that general premise, the premise that we were/are created in the image of god, then we should be able to agree to disagree about theology, philosophy...the details of our faith.

RK: and faith is one of the first things I noticed that you confronted in "Snapshots"
RK: if I may ask, what was your direction with this book?

TD: originally, i conceived it to be a collection of essays and poetry. the process began and it just didn't feel like a fit to me, as i originally wanted it to be far more essay driven. then i began re-reading my blog entries and journal entries from the past two years and realized that those entries, blended with my poetry, told more of the story i was interested in sharing. so, i began printing them out and kept the essays i felt were most vital (about reba rambo and teena marie, respectively) and began "collaging" the pieces to find their flow.
TD: i was most interested in sharing my journey to find an "integrated " life: something that merges the worlds of spirituality, sexuality, culture and artistry with some sort of balance.

RK: I see
RK: now your journey starts with a very interesting quote...it hit me as soon as I read it
RK: "imagine before you sleep/ dream while you're awake/ sleep to collect the energy to live the dream"
RK: why start here?

TD: well, i wrote that one night while journalling...and i was thinking about how much unconsciousness is encouraged in our culture. we talk about dreams, but never really take action on them. in christianity, people live for an escape (the rapture) and never actualize themselves here in this place. i started consciously dreaming while awake about eight years ago, but what i didn't realize was that i started dreaming while awake all those years ago on the floor listening to reba rambo.
TD: in a sense, i guess you could say, i returned to that child place about eight years ago, where you dream out loud before societal "norms" take that permission away. imagine the things we could accomplish if we never stopped dreaming and consciously living to actualize those dreams...after all, those dreams and visions are all god-given. i've been very blessed to see so many of my dreams already come true....but that has come through not being willing to submit to convention...

RK: well convention typically leads to stagnation and mediocrity, as it's easier to bring everyone down than to raise everyone up
RK: which is why I think it's awesome that you allow your readers to see the world as you did from the very beginning, even if they have the added bonus of the articulation of the idea

TD: well thank you. i was very fortunate to be raised in an era of christian music that is much different than today's christian music. the artists were dreamers and pioneers. there was no genre or real "industry" per se. they were creating the music of their inner most beings because it was what was natural to them. therefore, there was no dogma, no legalism...it was simply a free expression of their individual perspective and experience. reba's work was foundational for me because i would end up dealing with alot of what she wrote about: self-acceptance, the possibility of "i can", and being a child/dreamer in an adult body.
TD: because that music is my first memory, i believe with everything in me that's why i've always seen the world in a very general way from the place that i do now...the difference is i understand more of the details of that perspective now as an adult.

RK: Reba Rambo is one of the first stories you talk about in Snapshots
RK: It's the first actual snapshot
RK: and the story that precedes the picture makes it all the more poignant
RK: what was it like to be standing literally right next to someone who changed your life before you knew it had a direction?

TD: it's an indescribable feeling. it's funny to be a poet and not really have words for what something so monumental feels like. the night that we took the picture in the book was the release of my album, the muse, and i remember sitting right at the stage entrance listening to her and flashing back to being that kid in the living room. it felt completely unreal, yet entirely natural, if that makes any sense at all. perhaps the kind of natural--or real--we spend our lives searching to find...and then when we find it, it feels so real, that it's a little uncomfortable.

RK: a kind of full consciousness?

TD: yes. a remembering of sorts. because i always tell people that i KNEW her before i ever heard her music or met her in person. i've had that experience with a handful of people. i was able to actually put that aspect of it into words this past year with another friend who upon meeting me said "i remember you"...and i remembered him.

RK: I can tell you right now that what you just said is going to throw a lot of people

TD: lol. well, i mean...we have to keep in mind that we are spirit. we have seen it all and been it all before. that's what de ja vus are. simply moments where you "remember". the more work we do to become conscious, they more forefront our spirit can become with our natural bodies.

RK: speaking of spirit
RK: (and by the way, I hope you're enjoying my segways)

TD: (i am...you are brilliant)

[Don't you just love this guy? lol]

RK: There's a picture of you
RK: in which you're standing with a mic in hand in front of a church, to the left of a raised pulpit
RK: you
RK: are standing maybe 10 feet away from the musicians...looking kinda stiff actually (no offense)

TD: lol. yes. lol.

RK: and you talk about--I'm guessing--your first holy ghost encounter?
RK: at least, that's what church folks would call it

TD: yes. the finding spirit essay.
TD: it was another one of those "rememberings". i walked into that church as a teenager and knew that it was home. i remember the feeling as if it happened yesterday and i knew that that place would be intregal to whatever was going to happen next for me. having a place to experience and express what i felt with spirit brought more of "tim" forefront, because there was nothing that i had to hold back. we were a go-for-it, get-loose, get-with-it-right now kind of church...services could go from 11 am to 5 pm when the spirit was high...and being in an environment that didn't just allow free expression in worship, but encouraged it was so freeing to me as a little surpressed kid who felt so much inside.
TD: that experience has made it much more difficult for me to co-exist within the current church structure--even within affirming congregations--because so many churches strive to be the kinds of churches they see on christian television. mega churches. one church i was involved with here in nashville said that he wanted his service to transition like "the david letterman show"...and they wanted to give me 15 minutes to do praise and worship. church, for me, has always been about experience, not showmanship...heck, even my non-gospel show is about experience, not showmanship. i think that again, church has become a corporate experience, and we view the kinds of demonstations i grew up with as embarassing or no longer relevant...and i couldn't disagree more.

RK: so they were basically telling you to think your way through the praise and worship...

TD: they basically wanted a cute, A&B selection: not praise and worship. i had no idea how to do that. i remember they had this huge countdown clock on the wall in the back and they would send someone to hold up their fist if you ignored it. i just kept doing things they way i knew to do them until i was no longer welcome...lol.
TD: praise and worship is something that one must give themselves over to. an intimate experience that serves us the best when we can simply let go...let all of the self-consciousness give way to the rising of spirit within us: which is actually the real us. that realization is why i think pastors seek to so control praise and worship. what would happen if the congregations all began to find their true selves....

RK: the blackberry industry would fall apart completely, because people would start to realize that the best things in life go unplanned by human hand

TD: ah yes.
TD: people have lost connection with their humanity. it's why customer service suffers. it's why people can say such cruel things on the internet. it's the reason people can so easily brush off world events. we forget that we are one collective body...not individual entities with keyboard glued to our hands.

RK: very true
RK: now I have a story for you
RK: because I suppose I could call you a sort of experimental artist, with your searching nature and your openness to the move of the spirit
RK: am I close enough?

TD: yes.

RK: ok good
RK: so this past easter service, I was asked to bring and direct one of the songs for the combined choir
RK: typically I have my own on fourth Sunday, but for big services, we put everybody together and have everybody collaborate--more-or-less
RK: anyway, I decided that I was going to challenge the choir, and slam together Kurt Carr's "Psalm 68" with Ton3x's "Alive" and "Alive 2"
RK: the idea in essense felt like it would have worked, but somewhere in between the end of "Psalm 68" and the beginning of "Alive," things just fell apart completely
RK: the sopranos were supposed to hit an acapella melody and it's like all 15 of them were singing different notes

TD: lol.

RK: some weren't ready to come in
RK: things just didn't seem to go the way I expected or wanted it to go
RK: and I have no IDEA what the congregation must have been feeling
RK: to recover, of course, I did what I know, I took the mic and said "the devil's not gonna win in here today," and we did it again and again until we got it right
RK: but I say all that to say that sometimes when you bring a new sound to an audience, unless you're particularly happy with it and can convince your audience that they should like it as much as you do, it can be a little difficult to get it to them
RK: and I say all THAT because I noticed in that same story that the comfort level of your audience began to drop with the newness that you were bringing to them
RK: has that experience affected you as an artist, and if so, how?

TD: well, there was a huge shift when i came out. people thought i was crazy. my last album (the muse) had done very well and i was in pre-production on my gospel album...and it was like it was just too much for many of the people who had been following me. my quest has always been to be honest and, like so many of my heroes, tell my story through the music...i am not one of those glossy artists who reveals nothing...it all hangs out with me...and this year has been the hardest year of my life. this year, i understood what i felt like to want to die. i understood what it felt like to never want to sing again. i understood what it felt like to resent the gift and the call on my life. i am blessed to have great friends and mentors who "held the space" for me when i just wanted to, and was making every attempt to, walk away from it.
TD: But...in that, and as a result of that, my vision was crystallized...my confidence was returned...and actually came back stronger...It's the ying-yang effect. If on one hand there is such a pull for me to walk away...the flip-side would have to be that there is a great purpose that i have yet to accomplish...messengers were sent to remind me of that...from out of no where...helped me center again...
TD: i have always believed that there is a "tribe" of people that i am called to assemble...people that will "find" the work just as i found the work of my favorite artists...it's a huge part of the reason i am relocating to NYC in just a few weeks...being seated in a place that encourages artistry...where there is a larger stream of people...being able to create in a place, much like that holiness church i grew up in, that encourages individual expression.

RK: this "tribe" you mention
RK: is this the "team" the healer asks about in "the icon's pen"?

TD: no. the "team" that the healer was referring to is like my personal assortment of spirit guides who work on my behalf...everyone has one...they just may not be aware of it. the tribe i am referring to is an assortment of people that will gravitate to the work because they find some identification with it. one of my other heroes, laura nyro, always referred to her fan base as a tribe, because her ultimate goal, as is mine, is to create community: a community of true diversity.

RK: I see
RK: and when you do create this community, where would you fall in? or would you?

TD: well, as an artist, i would simply continue creating and hopefully inspiring those within the community to do the same: to find their voice and expression. my shows are always more of a collaborative effort than something with me as a centerpiece. my background singers are more front singers with me than anything remotely behind me. i have always featured other artists within the context of my shows...so...i hope that i can simply help create the space for others to do the same. i've often toyed with the idea of creating a worship center of some sort, but i don't like the hierarchy of the church, so there would have to be something creative in terms of the structure...

RK: that's a whole new discussion on its own

TD: right.

TD: lol

RK: one last thing I want to touch on with your book (I'm trying not to spoil it but there's so much info in here)

TD: lol

RK: actually, let's talk about the shoutouts at the beginning of the book

TD: ok

RK: the first person you actually thank is "Isis"
RK: what was that about?

TD: well, this past year, i discovered my connection with the Isis/Osiris story via a book called "The Passion of Mary Magdalen" by Elizabeth Cunningham, which landed in my hands at precisely the right moment. I was living a piece of the Isis story and until that realization, the heartbreak I was experiencing made no sense to me. So, I referenced that at the beginning of the book because of how pivotol that experience was/is for me.

RK: Understood

RK: so where can people get "Snapshots"?

TD: people can order it at www.lulu.com/timdillinger and there is a link at www.timdillinger.com that will take them there as well. i'm in the process of setting up some book readings as well, so all of that can be tracked on the site...

…Tim Dillinger has also conducted interviews with the likes of Bishop Carlton Pearson and other talented, controversial individuals. More about Tim Dillinger can be found at his blogspot at http://www.outtheboxwithtimdillinger.com and www.timdillinger.com.

[By the way, Tim gave me some compliments on the blog, and I had to include them.]

TD: i really appreciate what you are doing with your blog, etc.
TD: people need the insight...
TD: so at the risk of cliche, be encouraged.

RK: I appreciate it

TD: you are a great writer.

RK: goes with my long-windedness as a preacher

TD: lol. yes and amen. underneath it all, we're all "bards" and that's what we do. we just love words.

Snapshots

If you have not heard of Tim Dillinger, you have officially done yourself a great injustice, and I suggest you rectify that by visiting his myspace right away.

I'm serious! Go! Don't even bother wasting time reading the rest of this entry.

But just in case you decided to stick around and finish this first, let me just officially inform you that you need to hear this dude. If iron sharpens iron, then I argue that soul also sharpens soul, and that's what I feel when I hear his voice. I'll go ahead and prepare you: it's a bit unusual. The best voices are.

I got a chance to chat with him about his new book, "Snapshots" (available in about a week), and...

You know how you can tell when someone writes their own stuff? I literally had difficulty keeping to the book within my own mind during the interview, because he's incredibly profound, and he makes you think (which is a bit too real for some Christians, but hey, let me not unnecessarily stir up a blaze...)

You'll find out for real next week. I'll be posting the interview to coincide with the book release.

Until then, find Tim here:
www.timdillinger.com
www.myspace.com/timdillinger
http://outtheboxwithtimdillinger.blogspot.com

Hmmm...

I'm not gonna talk about this just yet...I just want to put it out there.

Virginity and Purity

It seems this particular virtue did not get the memo. He still shows up to parties in tow with his ward, clad in an embarrassing, bright red and orange, checkered ensemble that he hasn't been able to fit just right into since the '30s. He just wants to stand out. He did not watch enough movies to realize that by year 40--or even by year 30--he's well overstayed his welcome.

He saunters around the room, awkwardly distant from everyone around him, yet with an air of accomplishment. Of course he does; since his ward still wears his promise ring, he is totally not a slut—thank you, Jordin Sparks, for being such an easily irritable, defensive jackass and showing it with your rude comment at the MTV Video Music Awards. He looks down on those around him, not realizing in his naiveté that everyone else is looking down at his and his ward's inexperience. He is closed off from the world, apparently waiting for his protégé to find that one special person to open up to, after which this overprotective stain on the ego will expire from his ward, leaving them to live happily ever after.

Yes, friends, I am talking about Virginity. The silent killer. The one guys hide in their closets, and the one some women falsify and display until it’s time to take somebody home at the end of the night. This virtue spends his time hovering over his ward, protecting—or overprotecting—him or her from being taken advantage of by the evil, evil perils of exposure.

Though Virginity has been looked down upon in recent years as the mark of inexperience, he has his perks. For example, no virgin has ever been represented in that awful Valtrex commercial in which the male portion of a heterosexual couple proclaims proudly, “I have herpes. She doesn’t. And we’re trying to keep it that way.” Usually, you can rely on your virginity to keep you free from venereal diseases. We have all sat through horror movies disguised as sex education classes and been stabbed repeatedly in the optical organs with mesmerizing images of ordinarily frivolous infirmities that have festered over time. And if you haven’t, shame on you; it’s really a wonderful experience. Virginity actually provides amusement for his ward at these indoctrinating scare sessions when they can just watch the others ransack their brains, searching through the memories of their obviously numerous sexual partners to make sure that they did not acquire any symptoms of stage 4 syphilis.

Yes, Virginity has his perks. Virginity has been courted for years by churches all over America, from the excessive, right-winged evangelicals who preach not only against pregnancy out of wedlock, but against contraception and barriers in general, to parents who would rather believe that their children are still the same five-year-olds they became attached to sixteen years ago than sit them down and have “the talk”. Virginity certainly has his place. Virginity exists for that rare case female who—usually by choice—proudly professes her “purity” until marriage. Virginity lives also for that even rarer-case male who—either by choice or by default; either instance is acceptable—will wait for that special moment until he will let his Virginity go.

The preceding circumlocutory tools simply suggest that Virginity's biggest accomplishment is also his biggest flaw: his association with the virtue Purity. The naiveté and inexperience that gives Virginity and his followers—virgins—their bad name is synonymous with the lack of negative experience and the newness that defines his pride. And very often, it can be postulated that those who harass Virginity and his virgins for their relationship with Purity are just jealous of the “pure’s” accomplishments, and have therefore redefined what it means to be a venerable member of society with experience rather than adherence to innate purity. Of course, there would be little problem with Virginity if he had not chosen to integrate himself with such a massive portion of society; after all, who wants to be dirty? However, what makes this association so much more grievous is that Virginity has no right in his mainstream, Judeo-Christian American form to associate and necessarily compare himself with Purity.

Purity’s beauty shines like the sun from her large, discriminating eyes, and even through her disapproving scowls. Amazement never ceases to show itself within her marriage to Virginity. Mankind carelessly thrust Virginity against Purity’s bosom, and the couple begat children like Cleanliness, Recyclovirgin (the black sheep of the family; the second-chance child), Hivtest (the child through which Virginity and Purity acquire the most accountability for the family), and several others too obscure and meaningless to name. Purity has watched as countless cousins have integrated themselves into her family; every time the in-laws, Slut, Whore, Tramp, Trollop, and Nympho drop by for a visit, Purity retreats into the nearest corner. Sure, she remains visible, for how else will one be able to improperly mimic her discriminating eyes? However, their association seems invalid, and the people—especially in the Judeo-Christian culture—who ineptly forced Virginity and Purity together like a rectangular rod into a triangular slot may have seriously injured Purity.

Virginity married upwards. A Judeo-Christian culture that embraces the innate evil, impure nature of mankind also suggests that mankind is born with an innate Purity that is robbed from them, along with Virginity through experience. However, the same Judeo-Christian culture suggests that Purity is gained later on in life, even after years of experience, provided that the toxins gathered through the years are shed so that Purity can occupy a space.

I must disclaim again any idea that suggests any problem with Virginity, Purity, or Judeo-Christian roots. Even if there are problems, the focus is not on their livelihoods, but on their interactions. Purity and Virginity do not go well together, especially since Purity, when she is widowed from Virginity, is forced into obscurity and falsely accused of absence. Perhaps before the days of suffrage, Purity would have been lifeless without the care-taking nature of Virginity, but now Purity is more powerful and frankly, she can hold her own without being forced on Virginity. Unfortunately for him, he has not realized her new independence.

So now, Purity bides her time. Recyclovirgin, Cleanliness, and Hivtest will soon show their mother’s characteristics, rather than their father’s. She will no longer reside in the background of Virginity; she will have her own spotlight, and under the stage make-up, her disapproving scowl will become a slightly more welcoming smirk—the in-laws will still have to stay away. Not to say that Virginity will be dethroned entirely, of course. He can learn to live without relying so heavily on Purity. The churches, parents of pubescent children, the rare-case females, and the rarer-case males will continue to court Virginity for his usual tenure. He still serves a function in keeping venereal diseases away; he may not be the only person functional at the job, but let’s face it: he is the best. And he can ride that success for as long as he wants.

Just don’t forget: Purity is her own woman now.

Obama Chooses Biden

So if you haven't heard by now (first of all, shame on you), Obama has chosen Joe Biden as his running mate.


from the Chicago Tribune

So first glance...

Huge differences. Most obvious? The racial issue.

Second on the docket? Age. Biden is 65.

He's been in the senate since the late 1970's, and some columnists from CNN have said that Biden's experience will make up for Obama's lack thereof.

The question also arose though: if Obama is trying to enact "change," why bring in an attack dog like Biden who's been in the game so long he's probably used to the status quo? The optimistic side says it is first necessary to learn the rules before you can properly break them, and Biden will be Obama's teacher in terms of old laws.

Also, Obama can have faith that Biden will know who's in charge when it is time to break the rules.

So it seems. We'll let it play out, shall we?

Shout outs

Ok, I know I haven't been around for this week. I've just been busy with training for PHE (Peer Health Education) from 9-5 all day, and those are my main access hours for blogging. Anyway, finally took a minute to steal away and share a couple of things that were on my mind.

First of all, shout out to the choir. You know who you are.

Let me just say that I'm tired of the bullshit. Straight up. Talking to the director, interacting with members of the choir, watching members of the choir interact, watching behavioral patterns, listening to how they sound on a Sunday morning, listening to how they sound during choir rehearsal...

All in all, it is incredibly fucked up. Back-biting, cracking rude jokes, disrespecting leadership, not standing up for yourself, being fake, being too weak to be strong and too strong to let God be strong, is ruining this choir.

I'm about ready to put y'all on Front Street, because you don't seem to understand how shitty this entire organization is right now. And I'm "cursing" and being real so I don't take any credibility for myself. I wouldn't and shouldn't have had to say anything for you to realize that this isn't right. And I hope you do see it so something will change, though I'm sure nothing will because you've been faking it for the past 4 plus years.

Yea. I said it.

Shout out to David Banner...I guess...



First let me say that there is method to my hateration. Certain songs don't make mention on this blog because they aren't even good enough for me to hate on. For example, this crap.

But anyway, the song was a good idea, and it was a good spin on relationships...granted it had its little commercial "then she sucked my dick" aspect to it, but all in all, it was a good try.

Sample from Weezy's "Lollipop." Good idea. Really. It just didn't work, because first of all, the sample was off pitch from the beat. Secondly, David Banner was on pitch with the beat, so yea...it was weird.

I also think he rode the hook too much, and beyond the first verse, the hook mainly made the song. That is to say, it was riding the success of Lollipop...good idea, probably, but whatever.

You can do better, dawg. And you're smart too.

AOL News Item of the Day: Media Biased against Obama?

Check this out.

Now there's a headline sure to make Rush Limbaugh's face a little redder. The claim comes to us from George Mason University's Center for Media and Public Affairs, which has studied network newscasts for 20 years running. After analyzing the nightly ebb and flow of our current race, the center's researchers see a pattern (Via the Los Angeles Times):


"...that ABC, NBC and CBS were tougher on Obama than on Republican John McCain during the first six weeks of the general-election campaign."

You read it right: tougher on the Democrat.


Just how does one measure "tougher," you ask?


"During the evening news, the majority of statements from reporters and anchors on all three networks were neutral, the center found. And when network news people ventured opinions in recent weeks, 28% of the statements were positive for Obama and 72% negative."


Yes, it seems as though the "Big Three" (cable TV and print journalism were not looked at in the study) are so sensitive to the accusation of liberal bias that they're going out of their way to knock the Illinois senator.

McCain also has been the recipient of negative commentary, but not nearly to the same degree:


"Network reporting also tilted against McCain, but far less dramatically, with 43% of the statements positive and 57% negative, according to the Washington-based media center."


While it is true that Obama gets more coverage than McCain, that coverage itself -- at least from the 3 major network -- tends to show a conservative bias. Here's how Robert Lichter, the director of The Center for Media and Public Affairs, put it:


"This information should blow away this silly assumption that more coverage is always better coverage,"


No, the old advertising adage -- there's no such thing as bad publicity -- doesn't hold true for politics. Just ask Gary Condit, or Ted Stevens.

But how many people really watch the Big Three anymore for their nightly shot of news? According to TVNewser, about 21 million Americans.

Though the influence of network news is falling fast, especially with younger Americans who are moving in droves to the internet for their information, 21 million eyes still represents a significant portion of the voting population.

So, could the pro-McCain bias be having an effect on the race? No doubt. Maybe it's the x-factor that commentators like Robert Novak have been searching for to explain why Obama still has only a 9-point lead over McCain in national polls. After all, we know that Obama tends to do better with younger voters, while McCain is the preference of those of advanced years. Not surprisingly, the Big Three networks also do well with older viewers, those Americans who have long ago settled into a routine of planting themselves in their recliners each and every night to receive that definitive half hour of world events. The question then, it seems to me, is whether ABC, CBS and NBC are playing to their audience of older viewers by being more critical of Obama, or if their coverage, in part, helps account for older voters' reticence to support the new guy.

[From AOL News]

More Nas

So Nas was on the Colbert Report yesterday. Doing an interview on the Colbert Report doesn't really give you a chance to get your point on there...it's usually just Colbert being incredibly sarcastic and cracking jokes over every point you have to make--it's weird.

But he performed "Sly Fox"...

Lord knows I want this album.

Some thought-provoking material

Zeitgeist. The Movie.

Chaseology turned me on to this movie weeks ago, and I had intended to post about it for some time...but I didn't know how to. I didn't want to give it all away, because there are some very challenging ideas in this movie.

But I figure, in this day and age, it's worth hearing.

Some more thought-provoking material will come later.

Question...

I'm guessing the lady to the left of the screen was asleep the whole time? Because someone falling out of their chair would phase me a bit more than it did her.

This is a really detached society, I want to say. Sometimes, you're just on your own.

There is a recent sociological element here though: "I'm sure if this was a real problem, someone else would have reacted already. So I don't need to."

I'm a day behind on this story, but I still think it's pretty messed up.

Here's AOL's report.

Soapbox Derby*: Meet Boo

Genesis 3:11 And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"



[Warning: Strong language. May not be suitable for the faint of heart.]

"I ain't no fag. I'll fuck you. And you can suck my dick. But ain't no man fuckin' me. It's like a bitch. I can fuck her, and she can suck my dick, but a bitch can't fuck me."

The DL Chronicles is a series of stories that surround what has come to be known as the down-low "phenomenon": men of color who have sex with men, usually under the cover of a marriage or long-term heterosexual relationship.

This down-low phenomenon has been sensationalized as "the reason so many black women are contracting HIV/AIDS," and the suggestion that a man isn't on the down-low unless he's married and having sex with another man. I had never really focused on this phenomenon, though it has been kinda rampant in the church. But being able to sit down with some friends and watch some of these stories really began to open my eyes to the truth of the down-low, and what it really is.I say "began," of course, because 2 hours of television couldn't possibly educate me totally about a societal situation that's been going on for years and impacting billions of people. Anyway, I ended up watching three episodes of the first season: Boo, Robert, and Mark.

The definition of "down-low" will vary from person to person, and it usually depends on what you have to hide. For example: Robert is a homosexual man who tried to get married to be "cured" of his homosexuality. It didn't work, his marriage ended, and he had been hiding his sexuality from his daughter well into her twenties for fear of her losing respect for her father figure. Mark has been with his man for three years, and they have been living together, but posing as heterosexual roommates. And Boo is an uberthugish figure who seems to detach his sex life from his reality, though his sex life is really the only reality we see on the show. Boo's mother just assumes: "you just sleep with everything that set down to pee." And though his level of activity is a cause for concern, along with his dangerous sex habits--no condom--we learn that Boo is hiding a lot from a lot of people.

What'll be important for you to see here is that the DL really comes down to one word: deception. Whether it's under cover of an ubermasculine stereotype, a muscular facade, a "normal" family life, a spiritual life, or a wedding ring, the fact remains that these are all covers at the end of the day.

But how real can the DL phenomenon be? I mean, maybe it was a certain way for other folks, but when each episode was over, I didn't feel like I could go outside and walk right into what I had just seen. I didn't think I'd go see Boo sitting out on the block with a bunch of thugs, one of which he would see every so often under the cover of night. I didn't think I'd see Mark and his roommate sitting closely on the couch, about to kiss, but playing it off when a neighbor passed by an open window. I didn't think I'd see Robert trying to cover his tracks with Austin, his lover, in front of his daughter. And why should I expect to see it? I mean, the DL Chronicles delves deep into the bedrooms of homosexual and heterosexual couples, exposing what most daytime shows just assume will go on behind a closed door after a date.

However, there is still the closed door. I wouldn't go out and see an ubermasculine facade that tries to convince itself that he is not gay. I could, however, go out and see an ubermasculine stereotype. I could expect to see a normal family life. I could see men and women sitting together in churches day after day after day. And I could expect to see a couple with a wedding ring. And the sad part is, the DL is just as real as the situations that cover them up and shield them from view. Under that lie I am telling you is the truth, and a truth that can be even more dangerous and threatening than the lie I used to cover it up.

With that, I contend that the DL goes beyond sex. Why? Because deception goes beyond sex. There are many things I could be deceiving you about right now. I could be deceiving you that I truly love the Lord; I could be deceiving you that any of the stuff I talk about on this blog matters to me or to you, and I could be deceiving you that I'm straight. And if you wonder why any of that info would matter, then you're way ahead of the game.

On the other hand, as I said before, even though there are people who believe that the DL only occurs among married men, the truth of the matter is that many of these folks have way more than a marriage at stake in their lives. For some folks, they feel like they have to choose between homosexuality and a job, respect, love, acceptance, and for many, God. I remember Boo's mother watching "all these gay people on TV." I couldn't help but chuckle when she said "the world has gotten so corrupt. But when Jesus come back, they all gone have to give an account..." And I laughed because I didn't know what else to do.

It's a cultural thing. And all the covers I've mentioned to you today are cultural. By decision of culture, it appears, a man has to be emotionless and cold, to the point where he's about to burst from trapped stress. By decision of culture, a woman has to be so submissive that she cannot think for herself. After all, there are only a few things you can do with a "bitch." By decision of culture, people have taken advantage of ageism, assuming that wisdom comes with age, even to the most ignorant old bag that decided long before reaching old age that they had achieved the pinnacle of wisdom that could ever be achieved by man. By decision of culture, sticks are sexy. By decision of culture, the word "f*ck" isn't as powerful as the word "fuck".

And by decision of culture, all that has been deemed unacceptable by "our" culture must hide itself from the rest of the world to avoid persecution based on issues ranging from sexuality, to body image, to race, to creed, to gender...

...to the very nakedness that started our humanity in Genesis 1.

I'm not going to blame a specific culture, because the many cultures that shape Western Society (the only society I have liberty to speak on) have intertwined to become what we call Western culture today. However, know that your culture--whatever it is--has played a part.

Black culture is just as guilty as White culture.
Heathen culture is just as guilty as Church culture.
Generation X's culture is just as guilty as the previous Generation's culture.
They have all played a part.

And like a potter, we have tried to shape culture into the perfect representation of what a society should be--a utopia, if you will. Of course, with pretty much everything that falls into human hands, culture has become an outright disaster.

And now, the very people who were given "dominion over the earth," and the very people to whom it was given to shape their own culture through the guidance of God, now must cower in fear of it.

And so we hide.

And so we deceive.

This, my brothers and sisters, is the down-low. In all its glory. Strip away the culture, strip away the notion of the "marital bed," the notion of "cover your shame," and what you are left with is a subculture of human beings that have been made the Esau to our Jacob, the servant to his brother culture...the "background to my foreground," as Bernie (Angela Bassett, Waiting to Exale) once put it. We suffer through cultural ranking; who's better than who. We struggle to make our own culture and to reforge our way of life, so that we will not be second to someone else. We run to America from Britain in search of "religious freedom." We focus our energy into making this country the land of opportunity--unless you're a Mexican or a nigger, then we don't want your sorry asses here. We pass all sorts of laws that we say come from Bible principles, and others of us try to pass laws that aren't based on Bible principles, sometimes in an effort to remind the world that this country will never agree that it is one nation under any sort of god. We try to redefine our thinking to be hip to the next big philosophy. We push the envelope. All in a cultural battle to be accepted and respected by our peers.

And the sad part is, in the scheme of things, and more importantly, in the eyes of God,

None of this matters.

So, what are you hiding from now?

*The other day I was talking to Chase about a situation I had intended to blog about. I'm not going to tell you what the situation was, because it'll ruin the blog when I finally decide to post it. Anyway, after I had vented about the situation for a while, his response was:
"Why don't you write a letter, Mr Passionate?
And while you're at it, you can send them the soapbox you're standing on so that they know you mean business."

And while it was a cute joke at the time, I realized that some of the entries I do on this blog will be complete soapbox entries. I mean, I intend to share my opinion pretty much all the time, but sometimes, like in the entry you just read, it'll be nothing but soapbox. I don't think it makes the entries any less legitimate.

I figure you guys could figure out what I meant by "soapbox derby" as time went along, but I thought the comment was funny at the time. So there you go. Full explanation.